I’ve decided to leave my job. I’ve been with my team for seven long years, serving first as a social worker, then as program manager I and now as the supervisor for the last 2.5 years, but yesterday something happened - which really bothered.

Yesterday I was asked to do something that I’ve never been asked to do before.

I feel like I can barely catch my breath. There’s something heavy on my chest - and my back and shoulders are killing me.

The hardest part isn't always losing the parent.
Sometimes it's losing the possibility that the relationship could ever become something else.

I had a crash out at work today. Lately, one of my bosses has been pissing me off. Honestly, they've been pissing me off for several months now.

I didn’t end up meeting with Brian on Saturday.

I’ve been in a weird mood for the last couple of days - experiencing highs and lows, starting on Tuesday. Tuesday was a wonderful day, definitely, gold standard. As I mentioned last week, I took this day off just for the simple of experience of rest and relaxation - it was wonderful. I loved it. I spent the day reading, in french. My book finally arrived from France, Game Changers Tome 1. Hurried up and finished reading the Walking Dead Tome 2, and then read up to 25% of the deal, and finished a chapter of Mon Mari, before tackling Game Changers. Wow!

After work, as soon as I arrived home, I laid down on the couch and just hibernated. I wrapped myself up in my blanket and read fanfic after fanfic. It’s been such a relief to be able to read a full story without becoming distracted or mindlessly exiting out of the story screen with no explanation at all for why I do what I do….

Yesterday I told a second person at work that my father died. She came to my office unexpectedly. I’m a pretty quiet person - I keep to myself. I don’t get involved in gossip nor am I nasty to people. I just do my job.

Sometimes - no matter what I'm doing in the moment, I'll just stop what I'm doing and think about the fact that I lived 2 miles away from my father for exactly two years and he never knew.

Yesterday was such a good day for me. I woke up with a clear plan which included:

• Playing the sims
• Working in the garden

Text from my mom

My father died a month ago. I just found out 53 minutes ago. He died on April 30th. The funeral took place on May 9th. Two days after my birthday.

I don't think I've told you this, or maybe I have, but I'm learning French. J'ai commencé à apprendre le français quand j'étais une étudiante à l'université. J’avais toujours de devenir bilingue. En lycée, j’ai essayu d’apprendre le japonaise et l’espagnol - mais les regles des langues n’ont jamais fait du sens.

Why is it so hard for people to take accountability? Are the words —

• I'm sorry
• My bad
• or I apologise.

-really that hard to utter.

I don't know how often I'll post on this thing. I don't know how active I'll be. Typically, when I impulsively do things like this — they crash and burn, but I got a little curious. I received a comment on an old LJ account from someone asking to join a revival community for LJ. I haven't been back on this site in almost 20 years. I think I last logged on in 2008. I don't even remember writing on here, but I do remember the content that I read about. It was nice seeing the pictures that I shared — many of the people that were featured, I've long forgotten about and the situations surrounding them...