Yesterday was such a good day for me. I woke up with a clear plan which included:
Playing the sims- Working in the garden
I’m not sure why my plan included playing the sims. I hadn’t played that game since December 2025 - but for some reason its been on my mind for the last few weeks. So I took several hours and worked on repairing my game, deleting problematic mods, and finding new CC and mods to add to my game. I also created a new family “Molinero” - and played them for a while. I enjoyed it and then I got bored/hungry and needed to eat.
After I ate - I laid down on the couch and read a little fanfic. Once again, it was hard to focus - I would read and genuinely enjoy what I was reading but then all of sudden stop and stare blankly.
I gave up after a while and decided to finally work on my livejournal blog - I wanted to make it mine. I wanted to update the layout and fix a few things on it. But I quickly realized that having the free account meant that I couldn’t make any modifications. I decided to move everything to my neocities site…after remembering that I had one. When I logged in - it told me that I last updated my account, a year ago - I literally couldn’t believe it. Time moves so fast.
Anyways working on my neocities account was a lot of fun. It kept my mind ultra focused and I kept coming up with more and more ideas. I love it so much.
Throughout the day - I kept listening to The cure by Olivia Rodrigo. I don’t know why that song speaks to me so much, but I decided to add it to my sites homepage. I love it.
I didn’t really cry yesterday. But I did have a few times where a stray tear or two would escape down my face. I did feel overwhelmed. Like I would have a wave of emotion just crash right into my chest leaving me breathless and scared. And then it would go away. Even now, I woke up feeling overwhelmed - why? It’s 5:51 AM and nothing has happened yet.
Well, I did feel a bit guilty. Last night I made the decision that I shouldn’t attend my French lessons this morning. But unfortunately by the time that I made this decision it was 11:53 PM at night - 8 hours away from my italki session. I couldn’t reschedule. I had to message my tutor. Thankfully she was so kind about it.
Even with her reassurances - I still feel overwhelmed. Or maybe it was her kindness that triggered my crying, I don’t know. I just don’t feel right. It’s strange because I’m used to feeling sad and depressed. But this… the wave of emotion always catches me off guard and it doesn’t always feel like depression or sadness - it just is. I don’t know how to describe it. All I know is that it leaves me breathless and in tears.
I’m going to try and find my breathing stone. The one I took from work. Maybe that’ll help me a bit.
I don’t know….I’m determined to be a bit more active and present. Yesterday I Facetimed my niece and she told me that she wants some squishy from walmart and target. I think I’m going to surprise her and pick her up and take her to those stores to get the things that she wants.
But first I must:
Work in the garden- This is an absolute must - my HOA is being cunts about a few weeds - I’ll show pictures later.
Change Lizzie’s litter boxes
Later on today I would like to accomplish the following:
- Fold clothes while watching an episode of a show
Wash hair- Wash dishes
I’m trying to not overwhelm myself. If I end up working in the garden, changing the litter boxes and washing my hair. I would be very happy. I think I’ll start with the litterboxes - it’s so low stakes.
I’ll let you know how everything goes.
Olivia